Lifestyle and Health

IT WAS OUR HORNY MOON….WE DIDNT DO

I want to go to heaven, I want to sit next to a lion and learn its hunting skills, though I won’t need them. I want to shout into the ears of an elephant and see its reaction. I want to have a heart to heart conversation with a cat; I want to ask it why it agrees to run the errands of the devil. I want to see the cat and the rat talk like brothers. Above all, I want to listen to awesome songs as is promised.  I want to learn how to sing. If I ever learn how to sing, I will do a solo, no collabo, just me singing beautifully, hitting really high notes without even coming close to choking. It will be amazing. I want to go to heaven, so I will not tell you to have sex before marriage, for it is written, sex before marriage is a sin.
I just want to tell you about my honeymoon.  My honeymoon is not worth remembering. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place.  Nobody gave me lessons ‘honeymoon 101’ so I just packed my bags and followed him to wherever, the place was to be a surprised, it didn’t even surprise me, and it is him who surprised me. People go to honeymoons for sex right? That is what I expected, sex; high quality, mad, sexy, sex. I didn’t get even poor quality sex. You can laugh or pity me, it is your choice.
My husband is abnormally beautiful, he should have been the lady, and he is so brown, hence fragile. He has a gap between his upper incisors like my best friend Gael. His toes are as long as my fingers and his fingers, well, they are more than awe-mazing. He should have easily married a Miss Kenya, but he chose me, raises eyebrows. How does he choose me now? I have truncal obesity and a flat behind, I have fingers that are shorter than his toes I am ugly, but he lies to me that I am beautiful. This man has always had a problem, I should have realized it. But I was so absorbed into the attention that I lost my girl instincts. All this, the honeymoon, the wedding and the dowry couldn’t have happened. Now I am seated in a hall of a house, surrounded with loads of furniture. There is no any other living thing in this house except an old chiwawa. I should be at least comfortable but hell, my mind is working overtime. He is gone for a business meeting for a week. He will be back and I won’t be happy. After the long absence, he will kiss me, and then collapse beside me in bed and snore like the useless man he is. That will mark sixteen months of no sex, not that I have taken a celibacy vow.
I still want to go to heaven but I should have had sex with him before marriage. Well, in our case, it wouldn’t have happened even. I should have at least spent a night with pressed against him. I should have spent a night touching and pulling and looking to see if, the thing stands. But I listened to my mother. I agreed never to have sex with him till after marriage. I crossed my legs, tamed my teats against erecting and suppressed my sexual energies. I cursed sexual thoughts, shut out sexual feelings and prepared for the honeymoon.
I dressed like a wife, I walked like a wife, and I talked like a wife, and touched him like a wife. He just sat there sweating. The thing refused to become hard, it refused to stand. So for seven days we did everything apart from sex, the main agenda of the honeymoon. We didn’t talk about his problem. We will never talk about it, judging from the way he behaves as if everything is alright. He thinks we are married, I think I am living a curse. He might find me when he comes, he might not find me also. I trust he won’t ask himself questions, the problem is obvious like pointed breasts.

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Engraved Words
Guest

A different perspective from what is expected by our society… Many women struggle with that in silence. Good read.

saringin
Guest

true Tezmel…..and thanks for reading

Ronedion
Guest

This is an awesome piece. As I say always, you got talent. Am happy that you are tapping into it. I have been reading ans following your posts. Keep it up.

Is this a case of erectile dysfunction?

saringin
Guest

thanks Mutai

harriet
Guest
harriet

I love the humour u use to pass across the medical side of situations.i wish the society wud open up about this.

saringin
Guest

me too Harriet….

Lung'a Fa
Guest

He, it can’t stand for small ugly toes…I am fettish too. Nice flow.

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