Dear future husband I hope when the business of giving birth is over, you will walk to the hospital and have vasectomy.
On days when mama was far, I had my daddy. So at the tender age of six, I felt the love of my mother from my father. He cooked, he washed my clothes, and he taught me how to shower. He taught me how to be a child; he made my first toy, Katrina. He helped me sew Katrina’s first sweater. He taught me how to tie Katrina on my back. Then one morning I woke up and there were two round swellings on my chest. He bought me a bra. He bought me my first pack of pads, and taught me how to wear them. He did all this and he is still a man.
Washing clothes, scrubbing floors and cooking pots doesn’t make a man a woman. A man who cooks is just a man who cooks, not a woman. A woman who has dreams is also that, a woman with dreams, not a feminist.
Future husband, I am a woman who has dreams. I know most of my dreams will come to pass. I am letting you into my life with a condition that you will complement me because I will do the same for you.
I have no problem with waking up at six. I am not lazy and marriage will not make me lazy. I will cook tea all mornings. I will never complain about having to wake up to cook tea since I do not trust any other person to cook my tea. Here is why, I don’t like milk that much, so I always get excuses to not take tea. I have to cook my tea to make sure it cooks well. While I am up cooking tea, I don’t expect you to be asleep. I don’t expect you to be in the kitchen with me though it could be brilliant having you there. You can be ironing our clothes, spreading the bed or holding the baby while I prepare breakfast. I hope we will have hot shower in our house, but in case we won’t be having it, then I will boil water for us to shower. But I will not be the one to carry it to the bathroom. That will be your work. If you have a question about this, then just ensure that we have instant shower before our marriage. I will not pour tea in your cup for you; I will also not apply jam or blue band on your bread. In our house, it will always be self service, except for our children and on days when you will be sick. On normal days, you will serve yourself that will save me from the headache of estimating your hunger, and the extent of your appetite. This will help you on those days when I will not be at home. Washing dirty utensils will be the work of the house girl. But on those days when she will not be around, then it will be our work. We will all stand before the sink and scrub the cooking pots. I will not do it alone on cold nights while you will be tucked in bed, dressed in warm pajamas, a scarf and gloves. No, never.
About children, I want four, if you will want five, I will have no problem. But I will not deliver your mother, father, grandfather and all those other relatives you might want to name our babies after. If I get girls only, I will stop at four or five. A child is a child. I have no obsession over heirs and whatnot. I will equally take part in naming our children. We are not going to name our children after any dead person. We will not also name them after any living person. We will just give them nice African names, names like Taabu, Mapenzi, Furaha, and Mazuri. No son of mine will be called Christopher Hawking. He is African, he is African.
I always slash the grass around my house. I fix my bulbs when they blow. I ring the alarm when I hear people outside my house. I will not expect you to be electrician, plumber, and protector. So I don’t expect you to make me cook, dishwasher and washing machine.
I will be a working lady. I will not add your name to mine coz three names is too much; having a fourth one will be ridiculous. I will always work. I will be expected to be consulted when big decisions are made. I will respect your mother but I hope she will never at any one point consider moving into our house, unless of course she is sick. I will always work, so I won’t ask for money for any of my businesses from you.
I will help the children with homework on someday but you will have your days too. I will never be the one to spread the bed if you wake up after me.
I will expect you to be in the house on time. If you will need time with friends, I will expect you communicate in time. Otherwise, I will not sit up many days waiting for your footsteps so I can open the door for you. If you come home late, you are also the one to warm your own food.
If you cheat on me, you go or I go. You beat me even once you sleep in jail.
Otherwise, it will be a good marriage. I hope you will love listening to me as I read your stories. I believe you will never feel henpecked sitting over a jiko cooking chapattis as I cook the stew. I hope you will enjoy me dropping you at your work place as much as I will enjoy you dropping me at my place of work.
Above all, I believe you will tell me the truth. That you will tell me that my hairstyle is great when it actually is.